It was argued that I still had a pulse. But that is actually not relevant to my state of livelyness in this case. When I say "dead," I mean in a less literal way, and more philosophical.

It was when I realized that I had not drawn anything, really, for over two months. Most of the time I would have for drawing was at work, and even though I would get my sketchbook out, I would end up just mindlessly working. Mecanically pushing buttons and marching through the script of my job, without even lifting my pencil. As an aside, this is a frightening level of detachment for me -someone who is usually not even able to do less than two things at once. (ADD? I have been accused of it.)

Now, in analyzing myself before, I have noted a direct correlation between my mental health, and the ammount that I draw. What I haven't discovered yet is which one is the catalyst and which one the resultant. Does not drawing lead me to be depressed, or does being depressed cause me to not draw? To some extent, I am sure, they are mutually complicating. I draw less, get more depressed, and draw less.

All of this rambling is stemming from one of the worst funks I've had in years. I feel somewhat like I am waking up, two months later. Theoretically, because I am aware of it now, I must be pulling out of it. To test this, I have been making myself to draw. It frustrates me how difficult that can be. But I have managed to get a few sketches out. I think this is improvement.

I managed to draw a birthday card for a friend, which I plan to ink and upload soon. I'll dig through the sketches I've managed to do and throw some of them in as well.

I'm not sure what all is causing my problem right now. I realize that I am under a lot of pressure from a lot of things. That, however, is normal. I think that two of the major factors are the ammount of time I have for myself (not just personal, play time but also time to clean my apartment and do chores) and my support team. The first factor, I have a level of control over. I might even have some more time, with the new wonky schedule I'll be on this comming semester. This will help. But the other half, I don't have much control over. And I feel like it's breaking down. I really have no one to turn to at the moment. Most of my friends have joined the military and moved away. And the others, I don't see much of anymore...

This is where I stop because I'm not sure what to do about it.